So what do you do when you've lost something you thought was almost a certainty to last? Never Surrender. Stand firm and fight for what you want and what you think is right! But also allow for a time when you need to reflect, learn, grow, retreat and formulate a new plan for the next stage to come. You can cry, sob, hate, loathe, love, regret, accept and destroy all you want, but the true test comes in the knowledge that you didn't fall out of love, you didn't stop liking each other or wanting to be together, it's just that you fell victim to outside interventions, extenuating circumstances, and challenges even the most stout of heart and influential of mind could not overcome. You could have been Casanova and Caesar together and not have fought to win this battle. Only maybe if you were there, in the same city, going to the same school, and around all the time to show your passion and not just be forced into a phone call or an IM to express how you feel. If only she could see the love in your eyes everyday, and feel the beating of your heart for her would it be possible to have her know and believe that no obstacle could have come between us, except for our own mistakes.
What does it take to fully love someone, even their flaws and quirks? A pure heart, a heart not afraid, and a will strong as steel. It takes a love stronger and tougher than diamond, and a person of incredible passion and desire with an accepting and forgiving mind. You don't see flaws as such, you see them as lovely little idiosyncracies which when brought to the surface, are just more reasons to love the her more today than yesterday. Love takes superhuman strength, superhuman emotions, superhuman drive. Whatever comes in your path, its the bond and connection, physical, emotional, "spiritual" and others that weathers the storm and becomes your shield from the fire and brimstone, the tempest that gathers bringing rain and thunder to shake your foundation to its core. It is in how you began that will determine how you end. Love can conquer all, as cliche as that is, and you should never give up on something so beautiful.
Given the chance, I would go back and begin sooner. I would have admitted and asked earlier, giving me and her a chance to get a stronger bond. But c'est la vie, life cannot be altered and cannot be changed...a loss today may become a gain tomorrow. Do I mourn for my loss? Absolutely, i would not be writing this if i didn't. Have i learned and grown and become able to deal with the loss? Indeed I have, but not without the help of the woman I was just separated from. Even with all my experiences and broken hearts in the past, I learned how to become more stable and able to deal with something ending so quickly and suddenly. It may have ended, but that doesnt mean its over and gone...it never is, not for me.
I've given myself an ability I use to an advantage. I've allowed for a love to remain in my heart in a small space for each one ive had. Every woman ive ever loved or had feelings for continues to this day to have a very special and private place in my heart where everything i miss and had with that person remains.
