This night finds me awake deep into the hours

As much as sleep calls, a haunting memory creeps

Prevents me from closing my eyes

Cause when I do - there you are

As far as I am from you, you're still with me

It's been so long, and it's been so lonely

No place else has felt like home

In no one else's arms do I find Peace.

All I wanna do is hold you one last time

Kiss you one last time

See you smile one last time

Hear your voice one last time

Wake up to find you watching me one last time...

What good is the world when you don't have the girl?

Sydney, London, New York, Paris, Rome -

I'd given them all up for just one more moment with you

My sunshine in rain

My lone star in dark skies

My warm voice in cold winds

My rock, my refuge, my fortress, my fire - my love.

And though these words will never reach your ears,

I'll recite them every night as if they be prayers

From my lips to God's ears - the miracle I desire:

That no matter where I am, or you are

Safely we'll be kept, til we can be rejoined

Til the day I find my way back home...

How long it will be - I do not know

But everyday draws me closer

The billions of Seconds

Millions of Minutes

Thousands of Hours

Hundreds of Days

Will all need to pass before I can see

Before I can hear

Before I can smell

Before I can taste

Before I can touch you again

Before I can go home again.

I love you as much today as I did the day you left

I'll never stop loving you, no one can take that away

I'll always hope that sooner, wont be later

I'll always have you in my heart - you've get the key to it...

I hope wherever you are, you've got a smile

That twinkle in your eyes

That glow of contenment

Cause I'll be thinking of You.

Step by step, minute by minute.

I live for the moment coming next.

There was a time I lived for my past.

There was a time I lived for my future.

No more can I wallow in my failures.

No more can I exist in my dreams.

Every so often I change, every so often I progress.

I've decided, I'm no longer divided.

I'll give me all to this very moment, and then the next, and the next.

Nothing will get in my way, nothing can stop my success.

I know now what truly holds precedence.

I know now what I want.

I know now what I need.

I know now what I've been searching 25 years for.

I was too blind to realize what I had, too arrogant to see my own faults, too selfish to understand what I was pushing away.

So many times I've made the same mistakes, so many times I refused to learn.

No longer, my blinders - removed, my instincts heightened.  Follow my heart, it will lead me to be enlightened.  For the dream is fleeting, it always changes, but the heart it knows me better than my own two hands.  My heart knows what I've longed for longer than my own eyes.  My heart hears me better than if I had the ears of a child.  

The noise has dimmed, the thoughts calm.  My mind does not flutter, my ears do not ring.  My inner voice is silent, so that my true voice can sing.  It can proclaim loud and clear that I no longer a child, but not yet a king.  I've set my sights on the palace, the castle I will rule.  My kingdom may be small, but it is filled nonetheless.  Full of promise, love, and peace ... until my dying breath.  

But what is a king without his queen? No man can rule such a place alone.  She is out there, she is waiting, maybe I know her ... perhaps I don't.  She possess a beauty she may not even know, a beauty so unique it's never had a chance to glow.  She may not think herself royal, but to me she fulfills every dream.  She's as soft as a feather, yet as tough as steel, she'll fight like a lion, and love like a lamb.  She's perfect in every way, and every day she surprises me with something new I didn't know she could do.  She can be as bitter as winter, or as sweet as spring.  She can love with passion like fire, and still can be as cold as ice.  She curse me in the morning, and yet forgive me every night.  She gives me strength when I am weak, she gives me comfort when I am worn.  She holds me tight when I am tired, and only lets go with the rising morn.  She'll give me everything she has and only ask for the same in return, little does she realize that I'll give her everything I have, and more. She never need ask for my love, it's already hers.  She's quieted my soul, she's given purpose to this desire ... she's calmed the wind, yet stoked the fire.

I think I already know her, I think she's already worked her way in this heart of stone. She's cracked the shell of these defenses, broken down the walls I've put up.  

She's sparked this change, this change that's been far too long in coming ... and the best part is,

The change is here.

The worst part is - 

She isn't, and it's killing me inside