Another one of those sleepless nights in my life.....I had a lot of them at UD, but so far this is the only one since coming back home that has anything to do with school or work. And it actually has nothing to do with me coming home late from a party, a wild exotic week of drinking, or even skipping classes and sleeping instead. It has nothing to do with ex's, past hook-ups or even current ones. It has to do with the fact that im tired of being alone. For more than a year now, ive been the most single man on the eastern seaboard. Everywhere i look there are happy couples surrounding every part of my world, from inside the classroom, to walking to school, to serving them at work, to seeing them at the bars or clubs at night. Im happy for them, cause they has something i dont. Someone to love and someone who loves them. So many times ive talked about girls i would like to date and as soon as i do, things fall apart. Most of these past 15 months alone have not been easy at all. Ive had many cold lonely nights in my room, wondering as i drifted off to sleep......"will tomorrow be the day i meet someone who will take a chance on me?" And that is part of the reason i wake up every morning. Because i dont want to miss out on the enormous opportunities i could face every waking moment. I want to be important in someone's life again. I want to feel needed and appreciated for the things i do for someone, not to get something in return, but because i want to do it for them because i love them. I dont want to look at the blue days and see gray clouds. And when i stand i dont want to be tired right away and say "awww fuck it" I wanna stand up and say "lets make this day perfection" I WANT TO BE LOVED. I want someone to genuinely smile when they see me, walk up to me, hold me in their arms, look into my eyes, and utter three simple yet fulfilling words......."I love you". I dont want to be the nice guy that finishes last again and again. I want to be the nice guy that rose up against the odds, defied the stereotype and shout "I WON", without every having to scream it. Because that look will be written all over my face when i am walking with a beautiful woman holding my hand by my side. I want to give a girl flowers at random times, surprise her by making her dinner and sharing a bottle of wine, while listening to romantic classical music or opera. I want to take a walk on the beach at sunset, stay there all night and while lying on a blanket in the dunes, watch the first light come up off the ocean. I want to suddenly show up at her class, whisking her away from the monotony of school to have a picnic in the park or to go for a ride and share an intimate moment alone in my room. I want to feel the warmth of someones hand holding mine, the sweetness of someones lips as they are kissing me, and i want to hear those three simple words over and over and over again. I feel as if i have one or two chances left to get something started before the school year becomes too deep and acquaitances become friends and line becomes to thick to break and too tall to cross. The time is now, the change is here, THE ME I AM HAS ARRIVED