its hard to be doing everything you want to do, and still find time to develop a relationship with anyone, including friends........and nothing becomes very easy to manuevre. I find it especially difficult to convince someone you are worth their time when theings just arent going your way during the week and the most they see of you is when you are either angry or frustrated. And things have gone that way many times this semester....much to my disappointment, one person who i thought i was close to betrayed me, another stabbed me in the back and accused me of doing some pretty wild and down right disgusting things......But do i hang my head down low? do i bow to their pressures, their accusations? Do i become less of a man and let them lead my life? OF COURSE NOT! My head stays held high, i am better than to stoop to their level, to try to come back at them and bring myself in the mire they have created. I refuse to let them tear down this life i have built, if anyone will ruin what i have it will be me or God himself, and i dont honestly see him coming down here again anytime soon. That being said.....my Opera concert was soooooo awesome this past weekend, i loved it and everyone loved me, which rocks cause it feeds my ego........of course that happens to be the one thing i get egotistical about, and with all the hard work ive put in i think i deserve to be dammit! Ive got the solo in this Saturday's Chorale concert which i am really excited about cause it gives me another opportunity to show off my talents to the community and to gain the everso important recognition and familiarity that will help my career thrive......Moving on to the things that tend to rotate this crazy life i lead, friendships, relationships, and sports. Well the things besides music that is. First sports.....im on a Flag Football team with the guys at work, ands it fuckin awesome, our jersey's are cool as hell and our team is really good, i think we have a decent chance at winning some money and getting our names in the papers.(again all about gettin my name out there) Secondly, Friendships.......this is a big shout out to the boys......Tyler, Schlapp Schlong, and JC Laws.......you guys keep my sane and prevent me from fuckin ripping idiots heads off........great times weve had, better times yet to come.....to my brother Paul, friends by accident, brothers by choice, never had a better friend in my life, i owe a lot to you dude and i cant wait til we are all fuckin done with school so we can take over this fuckin planet. To the girls.....Christine, Lauren, and Rachel.......our time may have passed but there is always a spot for you in my heart, you need me, you call me, and ill be there. To old friends from UDel.....i know i havent talked to most of you much if at all, but trust me you guys are on my mind all the time and i miss you very much, wish the party was still goin on. and finally to the guys who have been there from very early on......Meigel, Stanczak, Abrams, Johnson, Zero........nothing i am today has come without the help of you guys, i thank you. Lastly relationships.......ok ive been single now for.......exactly 17 months.......which is the longest since i started dating that its been......and ive been trying to change that, but sometimes too hard, and other times not hard enough........but ive had some successes in creating friends, and some failures(or successes, depends how you look at it), in adding to my list of enemies, or people who hate me.....but there is someone else who ive "met", cause well i actually havent met her, but ive talked to her for the past week, and she seems really cool, a lot like me, down to earth, sarcastic, funny, ITALIAN, loud, direct, and from the pictures ive seen, she is also beautiful.......which is always a plus. i am hoping to get the chance to actually see her and spend some time with her in person this weekend, if i my car comes back from the shop. And i want to go to the Hoobastank concert with her next week so maybe i can finally get something goin in the right direction again and hopefully this time i wont screw it up right away. So if you pray, pray for me cause ill need all the help from above i can get.


As for this moment right here and now............i need to be alone again for the next few hours so ill probably play some Halo 2 and try to remember how it felt to care for someone more than anyone else in the world..........L'amour c'est vie