There are times in your life when you know that too much has happened to not say something about, where the things you miss take over your heart, the people you love need you more than ever, and the things you do only fill you up so far with satisfaction, when you realize that while things couldnt be better in almost everything, something is still missing.......and you cant drink or smoke it away, you cant laugh at it anymore and expect it not to hurt, and the "that was then, this is now" speech, which your friends never believed, even becomes farsical to yourself. How do you move on from something that your entire body craved for so long, when even after all this time of being without, you still find yourself addicted? How do you say no to something you never had the chance to say yes to, even though the question hasnt been asked? How do you miss someone who has already more than moved on from you, who has shared herself with another, yet when you speak to her, you can still "see" and "hear" her blushing on the other end of the line? How is it that your charm works so well on one person, and yet everyone else sees you as cocky and arrogant? What if all the changes youve made over the past 2 years have done nothing than put you further behind than you started off? Not that too many people ever really read this.....i just dont update it enough, but there is a messge to one person i need to make.......Christine, i love you, ive never stopped, only tried to fool myself and you into thinking that i had........ i need to give you these words......"Moon so bright, night so fine, Keep your heart here with mine, Life`s a dream we are dreaming, Race the moon, catch the wind, Ride the night to the end, Seize the day, stand up for the light, I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do, Heroes rise, heroes fall, Rise again, win it all, In your heart, can`t you feel the glory? Through our joy, through our pain, We can move worlds again, Take my hand, dance the dance with me, I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do, I will want nothing else to see me through, If I can spend my lifetime loving you, Though we know we will never come again, Where there is love, life begins, Over and over again, Save the night, save the day, Save the love, come what may, Love is worth everything we pay" If you remember this, if you remember anything or everything we shared.......please call me, dont ask me why but ive just become afraid. When you are sad, i am sad, when you are happy, I am smiling, and when your heart calls mine, i will answer.






It dark, lonely, and cold in this heart without you to warm it...............mein Schatze, mein lied, mein liebe, mein leben.

its hard to be doing everything you want to do, and still find time to develop a relationship with anyone, including friends........and nothing becomes very easy to manuevre. I find it especially difficult to convince someone you are worth their time when theings just arent going your way during the week and the most they see of you is when you are either angry or frustrated. And things have gone that way many times this semester....much to my disappointment, one person who i thought i was close to betrayed me, another stabbed me in the back and accused me of doing some pretty wild and down right disgusting things......But do i hang my head down low? do i bow to their pressures, their accusations? Do i become less of a man and let them lead my life? OF COURSE NOT! My head stays held high, i am better than to stoop to their level, to try to come back at them and bring myself in the mire they have created. I refuse to let them tear down this life i have built, if anyone will ruin what i have it will be me or God himself, and i dont honestly see him coming down here again anytime soon. That being said.....my Opera concert was soooooo awesome this past weekend, i loved it and everyone loved me, which rocks cause it feeds my ego........of course that happens to be the one thing i get egotistical about, and with all the hard work ive put in i think i deserve to be dammit! Ive got the solo in this Saturday's Chorale concert which i am really excited about cause it gives me another opportunity to show off my talents to the community and to gain the everso important recognition and familiarity that will help my career thrive......Moving on to the things that tend to rotate this crazy life i lead, friendships, relationships, and sports. Well the things besides music that is. First sports.....im on a Flag Football team with the guys at work, ands it fuckin awesome, our jersey's are cool as hell and our team is really good, i think we have a decent chance at winning some money and getting our names in the papers.(again all about gettin my name out there) Secondly, Friendships.......this is a big shout out to the boys......Tyler, Schlapp Schlong, and JC Laws.......you guys keep my sane and prevent me from fuckin ripping idiots heads off........great times weve had, better times yet to come.....to my brother Paul, friends by accident, brothers by choice, never had a better friend in my life, i owe a lot to you dude and i cant wait til we are all fuckin done with school so we can take over this fuckin planet. To the girls.....Christine, Lauren, and Rachel.......our time may have passed but there is always a spot for you in my heart, you need me, you call me, and ill be there. To old friends from UDel.....i know i havent talked to most of you much if at all, but trust me you guys are on my mind all the time and i miss you very much, wish the party was still goin on. and finally to the guys who have been there from very early on......Meigel, Stanczak, Abrams, Johnson, Zero........nothing i am today has come without the help of you guys, i thank you. Lastly relationships.......ok ive been single now for.......exactly 17 months.......which is the longest since i started dating that its been......and ive been trying to change that, but sometimes too hard, and other times not hard enough........but ive had some successes in creating friends, and some failures(or successes, depends how you look at it), in adding to my list of enemies, or people who hate me.....but there is someone else who ive "met", cause well i actually havent met her, but ive talked to her for the past week, and she seems really cool, a lot like me, down to earth, sarcastic, funny, ITALIAN, loud, direct, and from the pictures ive seen, she is also beautiful.......which is always a plus. i am hoping to get the chance to actually see her and spend some time with her in person this weekend, if i my car comes back from the shop. And i want to go to the Hoobastank concert with her next week so maybe i can finally get something goin in the right direction again and hopefully this time i wont screw it up right away. So if you pray, pray for me cause ill need all the help from above i can get.


As for this moment right here and now............i need to be alone again for the next few hours so ill probably play some Halo 2 and try to remember how it felt to care for someone more than anyone else in the world..........L'amour c'est vie

ok lots of interesting and exciting news to report on. First, on this coming friday Oct. 29th im having a Halloween Costume Party at my house. Next, on Nov. 14th I have my Opera Scences concert, and guess who is coming up to see it? None other than the Texas Blossom herself, Rachel the Flight Attendant. Then on Nov. 20th i have the Hofstra Chorale Concert. if you want any details on any of these events, call my cell 516-319-0249. In other news, work is goin well for the most part, but as at the MacGrill, the management is really really startin to get to me. i was in a car accident, and it wasnt my fault the guy rearended my beautiful car, but not to fear it will be fixed and payed for by the dumb smucks insurance company, being that his dumb lame ass was following me waaaaay to closely and a fuckin cabby cut me off. My voice is really starting to open up sooooo much more and my true sound is shocking, and im gonna have my tonsils removed very very soon so my sound will be that much bigger and resonant, and will make girls melt even more ;). Speaking about girls, weird things are starting to take place.......ive found the ability to fall in love again(fuckin took me long enough) and ive talked to Lauren and Christine in the past 2 weeks, for a long time with each. I might get the chance to see Christine again if she can come up for my show, if not i may go down in Dec. And on the ability to fall for someone again, i have, and she is also a singer, a Soprano this time.....lol.....sorry its a music joke, and up until recently she was out of reach, well until i told her how i felt......usually girls run away or laugh or somethin weird like that when i tell them. I dont wanna say anything else about her, except that to me she's awesome, and i like everything about her, and ive seen her on bad days and good so i have a pretty good idea of what she's like. I'm eager and anxious to see how things pan out in the next too weeks cause thats when the majority of things will happen. Ill say this about her too, thinking about her, has a very calming affect on me, something that hasnt happened since i met Rachel, and something that hasnt occured repeatedly since Christine. And going back to Christine, i wish you the best of luck with your surgery babe, youll be in my prayers every day!!!! and you have to promise me that as soon as you are better we will sing together ok? Other than that school is the same, but ive been sick and missed most of my classes last week, so i gotta do 2 reports by the end of the night lol what fun.

first off, a big whats up to my pal Rachel.....keep up the great work babe!......next a big i love you and keep ur chin up to Melissa, remember im always here for you and im not gonna disappear like everyone else has in the past. Youve made an impact in my life, and you belong here with all of us and if you ever are taken from us i dont know what id do, so keep feeling good about urself and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on just call me. Next, um well, schools been goin well, doing good with my tests and my classes and Opera is really going well, im excited about this years performance cause all the songs im doing are gonna be really really really good. Starting to miss the things about UD that i do miss less and less, except for my Rugby and my friends, the close ones anyway. Dont really miss Christine anymore, she barely even becomes a thought anymore and she doesnt talk to me anymore for some reason so out of sight out of mind type deal. oh well so much for her always being there......... just one more person who's broken that promise to me. But who needs to dwell on the past when there is so much ahead of me......and i love it that way

Another one of those sleepless nights in my life.....I had a lot of them at UD, but so far this is the only one since coming back home that has anything to do with school or work. And it actually has nothing to do with me coming home late from a party, a wild exotic week of drinking, or even skipping classes and sleeping instead. It has nothing to do with ex's, past hook-ups or even current ones. It has to do with the fact that im tired of being alone. For more than a year now, ive been the most single man on the eastern seaboard. Everywhere i look there are happy couples surrounding every part of my world, from inside the classroom, to walking to school, to serving them at work, to seeing them at the bars or clubs at night. Im happy for them, cause they has something i dont. Someone to love and someone who loves them. So many times ive talked about girls i would like to date and as soon as i do, things fall apart. Most of these past 15 months alone have not been easy at all. Ive had many cold lonely nights in my room, wondering as i drifted off to sleep......"will tomorrow be the day i meet someone who will take a chance on me?" And that is part of the reason i wake up every morning. Because i dont want to miss out on the enormous opportunities i could face every waking moment. I want to be important in someone's life again. I want to feel needed and appreciated for the things i do for someone, not to get something in return, but because i want to do it for them because i love them. I dont want to look at the blue days and see gray clouds. And when i stand i dont want to be tired right away and say "awww fuck it" I wanna stand up and say "lets make this day perfection" I WANT TO BE LOVED. I want someone to genuinely smile when they see me, walk up to me, hold me in their arms, look into my eyes, and utter three simple yet fulfilling words......."I love you". I dont want to be the nice guy that finishes last again and again. I want to be the nice guy that rose up against the odds, defied the stereotype and shout "I WON", without every having to scream it. Because that look will be written all over my face when i am walking with a beautiful woman holding my hand by my side. I want to give a girl flowers at random times, surprise her by making her dinner and sharing a bottle of wine, while listening to romantic classical music or opera. I want to take a walk on the beach at sunset, stay there all night and while lying on a blanket in the dunes, watch the first light come up off the ocean. I want to suddenly show up at her class, whisking her away from the monotony of school to have a picnic in the park or to go for a ride and share an intimate moment alone in my room. I want to feel the warmth of someones hand holding mine, the sweetness of someones lips as they are kissing me, and i want to hear those three simple words over and over and over again. I feel as if i have one or two chances left to get something started before the school year becomes too deep and acquaitances become friends and line becomes to thick to break and too tall to cross. The time is now, the change is here, THE ME I AM HAS ARRIVED

I feel so wasted......i feel a lot like a drunk man who keeps drinking and even when he stops everything continues spinning and churning.  Its been a little crazy around here......I went to OZZFEST on the 14th, and it was the most fun ive had at a concert alone ever........i went nuts, moshing, fighting, throwing people on stage, crowdsurfing, drinking, talkin to other Heavy Metal fans......meeting some of my favorite bands, it was an all-around great time.  That was a Wednesday and then i had work for the rest of the weekend, which was really good cause i made a lot of money that i needed, and on Sunday, MJ, Brian and I went to the Mets game against Philly.......the Mets crushed and demoralized the Phillies, completely pounding them 6-1.  So many memories from just the one game i cant put them all down here.  We all had an awesome time and just had fun with each other.  Mets fans bonding.....its a sight to behold.  Monday was really cool cause we had the Friday's softball games...i played in 2 of them and had some excellent defensive plays, and i had one clutch sacrifice fly, every other ball i hit was hard, but all were easy outs

Its been a while since ive put something on here, then again, its been a while since ive had some quality time and inspiration to write anything. I miss Rachel, i really do, and even though im trying my best not to attach myself, the harder i fight the more i seem to lose the battle. Not that i could be a bad thing, but id hate to ruin something so beautiful, so perfect, so understandable. But as much as i dont wanna attach myself to her, i would like to finally get back into a relationship with someone. So this is for all the single women out there, if you are looking for a sensitive, sensible, understanding, caring, gentleman, im ur guy. If you are looking for an intelligent, well-spoken, classy, charismatic young man, im your guy. If you are looking for an athletic, powerful, protective, muscular man, im your guy. If you are looking for an artsy, worldly, creative, musically talented romantic, im your guy. If you are looking for an asshole who will neglect you and treat you like shit, embarrass you all the time and cheat on you......im NOT your guy. The only thing that i ask, is that you be honest, be able to hold a conversation, have some interest in either sports or the arts, and funny......i have the widest sense of humor, ill laugh at almost anything, even myself, if you have a beautiful smile, dont hide it, show it, especially when you are laughing. Girls and women always look their best and their sexiest when they are smiling.


So, im sure some of those who actually read this, besides me, are probably wondering whats been goin on since May 12th. Well turns out i passed my classes, somehow with flying colors. I got a job as a waiter at TGIFridays, and i love it, absolutely look forward to going to work almost everyday. The customers are great, the mangers are great, my co-workers are awesome, and the girls, the girls, are all fabulous. I got a new car.....a 2004 VW Beetle Convertible, Galactic Blue, with Black Leather interior, and a black canvas top. I love this car. It fits me like a glove, its hip, its cool, it stands out, its cute ;). Its got a whole lot of features on it too. Everything from heated seats, to Side-Airbags, to CD player, to booming sound system, and even a Tiptronic Transmisson.(those who dont know what that is, look it up). Starting Monday, im takin Intro to Sociology and US History 1 at NCC for the summer, to catch up on the yr and a half i lost out on at UD. Everything i did at UD other than school work, was a learning experience. I did not learn one thing i didnt already know while at UD in the classroom that is. But somewhere between the Rugby games, the sleepless nights, the parties, the problems, the Fraternity events, the love, the loss, the drunk nights and the semi-sober days, the dining hall, the road trips, the friends made and lost, the one night stands, and the 9 months.......i learned who i am, who i was, who i want to be. I learned how much i could drink, how much i could eat, how much i could love, and how much i could lose on any given day. I learned what i wanted, what i needed, and what i could accomplish if i wanted it bad enough. I learned that no matter what people say, or what "bonds" you share that would tie you together, people lie, people cheat, and people will betray you, if they can, and especially if it will help them out. In some cases, people will even try to steal what is closest and dearest to your heart right out from inside you, by defaming you, if in the end, they look like Midas. I learned out not to trust. I learned to be more cynical, racial, ethnic, than i ever was before. But i also learned how to accept, take responsibility, and live with my consequences brought on by my actions. I became mature, not quite yet a man, but far, a very far cry from the boy i was when i left home.

To set the record straight, my last post is exactly what it says, confessions. Inspired by a few friends, and oddly enough Usher's new album, i decided i needed to let go of a few things. Im not depressed, angry, upset or self-destructing again. I got over and defeated all that last semester.

Alright here it is. My Confession........i hate school......i never want to go to another class ever again in my life, if i had a choice, i would spend every weekday and weekend in NYC at auditions, trying to make my career. But i have to do well in school in case that doesnt work. Im setting myself up for failure, not a good plan. I sometimes wish i wasnt so talented, that things didnt come so easy, so id already have good habits and have to work for my success, but everything is ridiculously easy. Too easy, too light, not enough of a challenge. I can do everything im doin now, 3x over and still be able to take on somethin else. I seriously wanna be back in HS where the results and consequences were immediate, instead of delayed. Confession 2........Im a horrible person, afraid of commitment. Im a serious heartbreaker, lacking the emotions to feel anything when i hurt someone, and at times i dont really know ive done it. Ive met girls that have fallen for me, too quickly for my liking(which is hard to imagine being that im the hopeless romantic), and ive just brushed them off and broken them down as if they were nothing to anyone. They just didnt matter to me, much like i didnt matter to most girls when i was younger. I lack the ability to trust those who dont grow to love me, who instead love me from one day or one week. Confession 3.......im in love with a girl i really shouldnt be. She lives too far away, is too rich, too high class, too above my stature for me to even think ive got a chance with. Yet, everytime i talk to her, i feel like im right there, sittin next to her, seein her in front of me. I shouldnt be feeling these feelings that i am for her, yet because i know that she's probably gonna be coming up to see me this next week, i do. I honestly begin to feel that if i could i would go down to see her or have her come up to visit me every damn week........I would go to school in Houston, just to see her more often. Not something i should be thinking, especially after only spending one night with her, but i guess cause ive been talking to her constantly after that night, i can. Confession 4.......i dont sleep, much.......at least no where near as much as i should, my mind constantly runs and moves. I have no concept of time, no remorse for losing time, even though i know that every second i waste is another second closer to my death, another second ill never get back........hold up.......bad subject to bring up with me. Confession 5......most of you know me to not be afraid of almost anything........well thats true, except death. Everytime the subject comes up, i cry, bawl, and just plain breakdown cause i cant handle the thought of not doing the things i am now, no longer being able to live. OK REALLY GOTTA STOP NOW BEFORE I LOSE CONTROL.......sorry, its just harder than anything i can deal with. Confession 5.........i no longer care. about you, about myself, about my life........if its meant to be it will, and i will do whatever i need to in order to get myself to succeed. So as a warning, dont stand in my fuckin way. Or uz about to get run the fuck over.

Thats it, thats all that will fuckin matter from now on, and now you know, at least you think you do






i could have somethin else up my sleeve.

Ever get the feeling that no matter what you do, its impossible to get sleep the night before a big event? Im supposed to be sleeping now so that tomorrow night i can go to the city and compete for a chance to get a recording contract and fullfil my dream of stardom and fame. Im wide awake, nervous, excited, anxious, scared, happy, doubtful, optimistic, unsure, confident, all at the same time. Whats worse, is ive got more on my mind than just this performance. Ive got more than one woman that i continuously think about, more than one event coming up that im not ready for, and more than one area of my life that is startin to bug me. Yea everything is good and perfect right now, but i see trends forming and life getting harder real fast. I doubt this will even get me to relax and take my time, which i dont really have cause of all the work i need to catch up on. ive really been goin backwards in some areas.

Some things never seem to change.....like love. I know here i go again about love and all that stupid sentimental romantic shit, but not actually. Just keep reading. When there is no one there, when you called everyone and asked everyone to help you out and absolutely no one answers back, what do you do? You call the one person you forgot about all those years ago. Now this is gonna be very uncharacteristic of me, but, sometimes God or whoever it is, listens. Sometimes he listens real close and real hard. Youve often seen me talk about something missing from my life, and its always been love, well this time its still love but love for someone thats not there, me. I think for the first time, honestly the first time ever......i love me! I love who i am, what i do, where i go, who i hang out with, i love my life at this moment. I actually love the fact the im not with Christine, yet she and i are talking like old friends again. I love the fact that the girl im truly attracted to, is almost 3,000 miles away, yet i want nothing more than to just see her, even if for an hour. I love the fact the the crew i hang out with is exactly like me, wild, crazy and fun. Nuckin Futz, thats us. We are loud, we are obnoxious, we have no morals, and we dont give a fuck. Lucky, im not. Fortunate, very, very fortunate to have what i have, to do what i do, and to love it. To sing and give people joy, to sing and give joy to myself, is probably the most incredible feeling in the world i at 19 can experience right now. random song quote here "Cause your all i want, your all i need, your everything, Everything" ~~Lifehouse, "Everything" its just the song im listening to right now, and the one that seems to fit my mood and my life. Nothing is ever going to be perfect anymore, not like HS where i could do no wrong no matter how hard i tried. Everyday now will have its failures and successes, and i and those around me will need to learn how to deal with my shortcomings. I will never give up on myself again. I will never say im not good enough for someone, or im not good enough to do something, cause i know if i really want it, ill fuckin get it, ive proved it before and i sure as hell can prove it again wont be hard.

Interesting few weeks......opera is this sunday and i still dont have anything memorized and i really should. I have my competition this thursday night and i hope that i can get some sort of contract, whether it be recording, management or and agent. School is gettin to me and i havent really gone to class in a while, and i know how bad its gonna be cause i think ive probably missed a test in my Geology class, but i hope i can somehow find my motivation that i had at the beginning this semester.

ya know whats cool?? the fact that in 2 days im done with finals, in 2 days im goin home, in 3 days im goin the JetsvsPatriots game with my best friend ever, in 4 days im goin to see the Irish Tenors with my parents, in 5 days im havin a MNF party at my place cause the PACKERS ARE ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL BABY!!!!!!, in 6 days ill be doin the last of my very late Christmas shopping, and quite possibly goin to see LOTR again with a dear friend of mine, in 7 days its Christmas Eve and ill be singing my favorite songs of all time, and in 8 days its Christmas full of presents, friends, family, love, hope, faith, joy, song, merriment, food, and new memories to be made..........................will you be a part of my amazing up coming week?

Man its lonely in this heart. Ive got room for all this love, its like a giant well about to overflow with crystal clear water, and yet no one wants a drink. Ive got this giant space for someone to fill, for someone to come on in and occupy. Ive got all this love and attention i wanna give to someone, all this energy that i want to use to make someone happy to make them feel like they are the most important thing in my life, and yet i can find no takers. Im finally ready after months of recovery, months of healing, and months of repair, im finally ready to give someone my love, and to give it unconditionally again. Im ready to show someone how much they mean to me, and im just ready to start again with someone new. And yet im getting all the same crap ive gotten my whole life. Im not good enough, Im not thin enough, im not tall enough, im not Abercrombie-model-looking enough, im not the kind of person that someone wants to be with. I actually went to my Rugby Formal alone, the most important night out for me this semester, and i was the only fuckhead without a goddamn date. That changed by the end of the night, but only because of the amount of alcohol that was consumed by some of the women there. And even after that, as with almost every damn weekend ive gone out this semester, i went home and wound up alone the next day. I mean do i rank that lowly that im only worthy of a girl's attention when shes too drunk to remember my name?? Lately, its the only thing ive found to be true. And then when its seems like ive found something good, someone who is honestly and truly interested, im wrong. I begin to be honest with that person, i tell them whats on my mind, i tell them all the things ive been through and i tell them the dumb things ive done and the tendencies i have, and then its like, i disappeared from their interest, and they dont return my calls, dont answer my emails, or dont talk to me online at all. And when i see them its like i never existed, they just walk right on by, no matter how many times i call out their name. What is it that turns people off from me? What do i do what do i say, that makes them think im not worth their time? Why is it im only attractive to someone when they are drunk? Why is it when i tell someone that i like them a lot and that i want to continue seeing them, all of a sudden they turn into a excuse-making machine, coming up with everything from forgotten girls night outs, to waiting for a phone call from an old friend, to stupid shit like i forgot i had a test in 2 days and i need to study. Im not lookin to marry anyway yet, but for god's sake, would it trouble you if i took 5 hours of your time to show you that i like you and to explain to you why i feel the way i do? Is it so wrong to feel something for someone right away? There are so many levels of love, and everyone is so goddamn scared of "i love you" cause they feel like they have to say it back and that gets them in trouble. If you love someone you should tell them, because in your own way, you do. You love them for who they are, or how they make you feel or because they make you smile and laugh, maybe you love them because you dont know what it is, but they fill something inside you. Ya know its sad that its easier for people to express hatred and to kill than it is for them to say i love you and to make someone feel good.


Its just plain sad that "i love you" has become more taboo than sex on tv or curse words.

Dont be afraid to love someone and to tell them if you do, even if its in your own weird, eccentric way. And if they run when you tell them, its their loss.

Im not done, no im not done. You want me to stop but ill keep swinging away at your head. Im gonna crush your skull, and then piss on your grave. You crossed the wrong person too many times, and now your gonna pay for it. I wont let you run all over me anymore im gonna stand up for my rights and what i believe in. Youve lost control of me now and im gonna make sure you never get it back. Im not your bitch and im not gonna do whatever you want whenever you tell me. I regret not doin this before, not steppin up and taking a stand and being a man. Ive grown up since you last knew me and this person i am now is nothing like what you are used to. Im gonna make you see that i can be independent, and i dont need you to make me feel good about myself. Im gonna show you that just cause you kiss me and tell me that you havent let go of the feelings you had that im not just gonna fall to my knees or let my guard down and let you in to my heart. I know you too well, even though ive just begun to realize who you are. I see you in my dreams, but that doesnt mean i really want you in my bed with me. I love you yes thats true but who says i cant do that and still hate you for shutting me out and shooting me down. And dont tell me that hates so strong cause you know damn well what i mean. And if you dont then ill tell you. Im frustrated, im tired, and i dont wanna deal with this rejection anymore. You tell me to be honest with you and it gets me nowhere, and i just couldnt hold it in. I thought that maybe if i expressed how i felt you would accept it and maybe tell me how you felt, but i still dont have a response from it. Im sorry if you think i was pressuring you, i thought you would have understood that i was just being honest and spilling my heart and telling you what was on my mind, just like every other time ive talked to you. Now i dont know who to turn to, when i need to talk to someone who i am close to, cause i dont know if you are gonna listen or if you are even gonna care. So tell me, if i come to you crying, are you gonna give me a tissue and tell me to dry my eyes or hold me against you and give me your shoulder and comfort me? Am i gonna be knockin on your door for days with no answer or will you look outside your window, see its me and let me in and give me a place to feel safe?








I guess not






But thats ok, i told you ill make it on my own

Had our first Rugby Tournament of the semester this year and it was fuckin AWESOME!!! got up at like 730 sat morning to drive up to Media, PA where we had out first game at 1000am. We played Ursinus and totally ripped them a new one. They got lucky and scored once but we came right back and got 2 tries and easily won. The second game we had was a little harder and we should have won but some bad calls and a missed 2pointer were the difference. Widner tried acting all tough after they beat us by saying "thats why you guys are B-side" which was the dumbest fucking thing ever said cause they were their schools A-side and we almost beat them.!!! what a bunch of fuckin morons. Anyway i didnt play in the first game and only played the second half in the second game, but we had one more game left, against Swarthmore. I played the entire game with the exception of the last 5 min at Inside-center and did some serious damage. I ran over a few guys, got in on like 2 big mauls and did some pretty good rucking. We had good plays and moved the ball usually with ease. They were so bad at scrumming that we had to play most of the game uncontested. Oh well we should have won by at least another 15 points but we had 2 tries called back because the ref was dumb and didnt think we had possession of the ball, whatever fuck her we won anyway. Everyone got nice and banged up but it was the most fun ive had since JV football. I realized that the lack of sports in my life had made me very depressed and very angry. And while i was out on the field i realized how much i missed the comraderie of sports and how much i needed to be out there again. I have found my passion again and nothing is gonna stop me. After all the games were done, we stopped at Pat's Cheesesteaks in Philly and again it was awesome. Finally got home, showered and hung around for like 30min before goin with my teammate to the ER to get him some stiches. Afterwards, we went to one of the Rugby houses for a great fuckin party which kicked major ass. Got drunk, stoned and had just an all around good time. Weekends rock

if you could hold the world in your hands and control its every action, would you really want to? Imagine what one mistake would do. Im sure it would be great to have all that control and all that power but you and i are only human. It is in our nature to err. So imagine if you magnify one tiny mistake here on Earth to what that would be if you were say God. You slept too late=the sun forgets to rise, you step on a bug=stepping on a human, you break someone's heart=an entire country worth of people mourn, you hit someone=an earthquake killing huindreds. So the little mistakes we make here on Earth would have a pretty big effect if we were God. Well i guess the same goes true in a relationship. You hold that small world in your hands everyday. When you dont call that person=Its a cloudy day, when you tell that person you dont love them=monsoon season, when you hit that person=Hurricane Andrew, when you yell and get angry at that person=tornados and thunderstorms, but hopefully when you apologize to that person or tell them you still love them=nothing but a warm breezy day in June. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone does really dumb and stupid shit. For to err is human and to forgive is divine. If we can make one mistake less each day, maybe the human race will survive pretty well after all.