In an effort to actually not let too much time pass, ive decided to make this blogger a kind of weekly thing.....so probably, every Wednesday or Thursday night i will be puttin somthing up here.

So for this week...

Did i ever mention how much i absolutely enjoy performing? Whether for 1 or 1million people, i never tire of the simple satisfaction i get out of the applause from a loving crowd. Ive got a show coming up this Saturday for Collegium Musicum which is a Baroque and Renaissance style music group of singers and instrumentalists. Ive got a bass solo in the last piece of the show, which for those that know me, is a little ridiculous, considering im a Tenor(notice the caps). Then the following week in 2 nights i will complete shows for 3 different groups. Chorale and Chamber Singers are performing on Saturday the 19th and Opera Theatre is on the 20th. For Chorale we are doing Duruffle's Requiem which is so beautiful!!!! Chamber is doing a variety of things, from Faure to Duruffle, and even gospel to Chanticleer. Then for Opera Scenes, im doing Pinkerton from Madame Butterfly, Count Almaviva from The Barber of Seville, Candide from Candide, and the Magician from Consul. Best of all is that i get to do a really famous aria from Madame Butterfly as part of the scene...."Addio fiorito asil" so needless to say, im totally stoked....and anyone who actually reads this and is in the NY/Hofstra area should come down and see at least the last 2 shows.....contact me for details and such......anyway yea trying not to crack under the pressure of classes and all the ridiculous amounts of fuckin work these teachers give us......as if learning 2 Chopin Preludes, 5 scenes, 2 art songs for my jury, a Beethoven Piano Sonata, 3 Tuba pieces and enough music for a 2 hour show straight of music from Baroque to 20th Century wasnt enough! No they give us pages and pages of Ear Training crap.....a 5 hour Theory assignment designed to keep us "busy". So between all that, my rehearsals/lessons/practice sessions, and work, house and waitering.....i dont have time to relax myself and break.....my only solace comes in those rare moments when i find the reason why i love a piece as much as i do, or when i beast a high note, or when i get a chance to just listen and run at the gym.

One such moment is the suspensional ending to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor and if you dont know it dl it and listen....it happens in about the last 45 seconds of the piece and it is what i wait for when i listen to the the entire 9 minutes of glory blasting from the organ.

Different note....still waiting for the last post to evoke a response.....i got a comment from one person and thank you for that.....but there are a few people im trying to wake up......

Two months seem to pass between almost every post, and this time im not sure if its not just boredom but business that has kept me from really doing any sort of posting.

There is something that i simply just like to share.....

I have been alone....in other words....single.....for close to 3 years now....and to be honest, that fact hurts more than the way my last relationship ended. I thought, as i was raised, that women appreciate gentlemen, and appreciate being treated like women, not objects of affection or play-toys. And many women will say that looks are not the most important thing, and that personality, sense of humor, confidence, and a feeling of protection around a guy make up a big part of being with someone. Well i say to women.....you are all fuckin full of shit liars. You continually allow your boyfriends to embarrass you in front of friends and family, lie to you, never call you, cheat on you and generally treat you like garbage, while you complain and complain that you wish you could find a decent guy. Most of the decent guys you see.....arent Abercrombie or Hollister models, most of us dont drive BMW's and Benz's. And most of us definitely do not frequent the clubs like Mirage, Posh, or any other abomination of what in actually is not more than an upscale frat house party. We dont usually wear Armani and Gucci clothes to the gym to play basketball, and we dont carry $300 in our pockets at all times......Mommy and Daddy dont buy everything for us anymore, we are grown men with jobs and careers and serious responsibilities, like paying bills, and cleaning up our houses/apts, as well as cooking, shopping, and cleaning for ourselves. However, we offer love, trust, friendship, and probably, hopefully most importantly security and happiness. We may not be able to lavish you with carats upon carats of diamonds and gold, expensive trips or decadant dinners in the city every week...but we will always get up off our asses at 4am and run in the pouring rain to comfort you, even if we do have a performance the next day. We will try our best to make sure that once in a while, we do take you out and make u feel like a queen for a day, instead of just a princess which is how we view you all the time. You look for guys that ignore you, or dont know what they want with you, or simply use you for money or even worse.....sexual favors....and yet you tend to ignore us, except when you want to complain about said crush who ignores you, or bf who just blew off another anniversary. You use us much like they use you....only when they want you around. Well id like to reintroduce myself to you ladies.....I AM Michael Franzone, i'm a loyal, trusting, romantic MAN, who would like to introduce you to a different kind of culture, and a different kind of life. I am an opera singer....i will sing you to sleep if you want, ill sing to you when you are crying and im holding you in my arms, i will sing about you and all the things i love and admire about you. I will be thinking of you when performing and singing that love aria onstage while u are in the audience, front row, because i want you to know that i want you close to me, even when you cant be the one im singing to. I will do my best to show you the world, through traveling with me and my family, or through the many pictures and movies i have of the places ive been.....because my past is as much a part of our future as is our present. I will lavish you with love and adoration, because truly, you are the best part of my life....not that im addicted to you and wont be able to function without you around, but that when im around you, i smile bigger, i sing louder, i feel happier and i simply enjoy having you in my life. I will be there to comfort you when you are sad, praise you when you have done well, give you advice whenever you ask....and be there whenever you need me....for any reason....large or miniscule. I will say that i love you and mean it with ever fiber of my life. So i challenge you women out there who are looking for the perfect guy, the right guy, or someone better than the person you are with......Try being with me, or someone like me at least for a month.....if we dont or cant convince you in 30 days(think the movie Sweet November), i will personally give up trying to divert you away from staying with the stereotypical guy. I will give up my crusade to change the mind of women, that chivalry continues to exist, and that all guys are pigs.....so if you are willing to take my challenge.....you know how to reach me

its been the most amazing summer i can ever remember. Its been a summer of life and music and love and new friends, new experiences, and new opportunities. In the 5 weeks i was at the NJOT Summer Institute in Princeton i grew so much in my voice, my life, my personality and i realized what it is that ive been dreaming of is right at my fingertips. I made so many great friends, Jason, Mike Scott, Mike McGee, Jeremy, Amy, Flann, Dominic, Joel, Gina, Johanna, Melanie, Jorge, Gian-Carla, and the list goes on. And the teachers and conductors and directors i worked with and had the pleasure to perform under......my life will never be the same and i know that i can at anytime ask these people for guidance and assistance and i know that i will be working with any and all of them in the future. I really think i found something in my voice that even blows me away, its so pure, so easy i just hope i can replicate it on my own. But for now....ill just sit here and dream about Amy, cause even though shes 10 years older than me....it has definitely made me know exactly what i want in a woman

hey hey.....so now its only a few hours until i turn 21 and i just go back from Cabo and am sittin in my grandparents house in AZ just relaxing for one day before i go home. Cabo was awesome. I was the life of the party, as usual, and did everything from organizing beach and pool volleyball games, to rockin the Karaoke, to tearing up the dance floor at the clubs, to snorkeling in Santa Maria....and the list goes on. I met some awesome people, Barry, Cole, Ray, Jim, Jaime, Linda, Virginia, Tony, Big Dave, Mary, Robin and Tammy(my oregon girls), Debbie, Lexi, Sam(my Arizona hotties and club partners), Danny(my wingman), and last but definitely not least in any way, Jasa(my Arkansas cutie pie). Wish i could have spent more time there, to hang out, to party, to relax, but especially to spend some more time with Jasa. Beautiful deep blue eyes, amazing smile, incredible body, and a kiss that set fire to my lips. It really is too bad we live so far away, because i know that she and i would truly make an awesome couple....we did for the 2 days we spent together so far...so it would almost definitely continue. Im gonna have to make a trip down there, maybe for a few days at the end of August to try and spend some time with her before school starts, or if i can somehow manage it...take a weekend off and go to visit her, maybe somehow luck will manage to stay on my side and this will continue to go my way so that maybe, just maybe we can work things out and i can get to see her at least 3 or 4 times a year. Nothing would make me happier right now. Well i think its time that i just relax, cause right now im so high, the clouds are my pillows and the stars are my friends. never thought this would be like this, or could be like this, or is like this.

just over a week til my bday and i cant wait......on Sat im leaving for Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, with my family for a few days of rest, relaxation, fun, and of course good times......But to look back a few days.....what an amazing weekend i had.....my friend Paulie finally got me to go with him to see PSU where he used to go to school...we stayed at his apt. that he still had there and basically chilled for 2 and half days..... Sat night i got there and we chilled at his place for a bit, showed me the town, let me know what the deal was with everything......then we went to his friend Logan's place and chilled and smoked a little.......then we all went(5 guys, 3 of whom were waaaaaay too stoned to be doing anything) to an all-nude strip club called "The Endzone". It was cool except for Logan's bitching and the fact that the strippers were kinda boring and not really all that hot....so that night ended early which was cool cause i needed a little sleep after a long ass car ride. Sunday was the shit though......we, Paulie, me and Nick, Paulie's other friend, chilled at the pool where their apts were and drank and grilled all day long. "We Dove", all the girls....jumping in and running to the hot tub, the beach volleyball, Riley the gator, all the cool people that we ate and drank with, gettin all dressed up with no where to go, Team America, and last but certainly not least........Katie.....of all the guys who were there, of all the hot girls there......I got the hottest girl, but certainly wasnt the hottest guy......just goes to show you what a little personality, a killer smile, long wavy hair, and a voice that makes ladies melt can do instead of a six-pack and cut muscles all around. From the moment our eyes met it was done.....we basically spent the last 5 hours of the time we were at the pool together in the hot tub, just teasing and playin with each other, while drinkin and enjoying everyone's company......so it was an awesome time all around....the drive back was probably the scariest, craziest and coolest experience ever......all im gonna say is Storm Chasers aint never got this close to lightning. So now i get to try to sleep cause its late and im gonna work a double tomorrow and ive got an early flight on Sat......everything is awesome babe.....we can do this

So now its down to another 4 semesters of school......HALLELUJAH!.....its been a blast folks but im just tired of papers and quizzes and worrying about goin to class. So many things have been going my way so far.....it just seems like i cant do anything wrong right now.....which just rocks. I hate knowing that even with my positive attitude things are going wrong. But as of late, things have been kinda lookin up, a few minor setbacks but nothing that has made me feel out of it. So ill just have to see what happens in the next few months.....as for now, its summer, ive got a cool job, im gonna be singing in the NJOT, and i think i may have the beginnings of a few greater things.....my voice is better than ever, louder, stronger, more mature, and just flat out ridiculously good. Been losing weight slowly but steadily, gettin ready for Cabo, AZ, and all my other adventures.....i think i may have found a couple things to latch on to as well good friends.....good times, good nights.......amazing memories......thank god i never need to let go of anything as long as i have a few certain people in my life.

haha....how long has it been? yea, exactly. So whats new you ask? too much, too fast. I guess ill start from where i left off. I found a new job at the Riverbay Restaurant in Williston Park. I both broke my nose and had it fixed, dont worry not only has it not affected my voice, its made it better and more resonant (imagine?!?!). I tore my right rotator cuff and had it fixed.....picking up a Tuba no less. We had our Spring Chorale and Opera Scences concerts, and i loved doing Die Fledermaus quintet. We got to drink real champagne onstage! I fell in love only to realize it was taboo and wound up getting more than one person in trouble (opps!). But most importantly, i got back what i lost 2 years ago........my smile. I owe that to Jen. From the very start she had me trapped in her eyes, and in her smile, and even though i could have tried to resist, there is no way i could have beaten back that feeling. So this past weekend is really where i think my life has just turned around yet again....i always do better in school when i am with someone, and though technically im not with her, she is still in my heart so its an incentive to drive forward and to do so much better than i have been.....cause i dont want her to get too far ahead of me. Then i really might lose her. Its that smile that comes across my face when i talk about her, when i think about her, when i talk to her, when i dream about her......i wake up and i smile and i fall asleep smiling. And so even though i cant wait to see if she will someday be with me, i know that if the timing is ever right, if at some point in the near future we both are single, you can bet that she will take her place by my side, reserved for her the moment her eyes first locked with mine. Right now i can only dream of her, i can only think about her in fantasy, but man what dreams may come into reality is far beyond my thoughts.

I am the luckiest guy on the face of the earth. I have all the riches i could ever want because i have the love of an absolutely amazing woman. In a wonderful surprise, Rachel, my Texas Blossom called me on Sunday to tell me that she was coming into New Jersey for an overnight in Newark. I havent seen her since August of last year in Cancun, which was an awesome time in itself, and i jumped at the chance to see her again, even if it was only for a few hours in one night. So she was supposed to come in around 9pm but due to a 2 hour delay she didnt get in until about 1045. And when i saw her, man she looked hot! Beautiful, charming, sexy, and with a smile to die for, she looked like an angel....... it felt so good to hold her again, and after a few minutes discussing our options, we decided to go into the city for some dinner if there was a restaurant open, or just some coffee and dessert if not. As luck would have it, by taking the Holland Tunnel we wound up on Canal St. which borders Little Italy. So we had a wonderfully romantic dinner at Vincent's, which included a bottle of Amarone wine, Chicken Marsala, Chicken Parmigiana, and lots and lots of looks. We were the only ones in the restaurant, so we had no distractions and i could not keep my eyes off of her. The food was excellent, the wine was delicious, and everything was so romantic. We then walked around the streets of Little Italy for a few minutes, and kissed and walked hand in hand while i sang a few Italian arias. She was completely enamoured with it all, unable to really believe that this was all going on..... Needless to say i was very much in disbelief myself, having a beautiful woman by my side, singing to her, enjoying a perfect night in the city.....it was all so amazing. Being that we had to get up early the next day in order to get her to the airport by 7:15 we went to the hotel where her airline had put her up. The look in her eyes said it all, she and i were connected, and every time we see each other we fall for each other even more, and the words were right there at the tips of our tongues. "i love you" was almost said over and over again, and it doesnt matter that we didnt say it, what mattered is that we felt it. And when i talked to her today, she almost came out and said it again, but its just like going to do something completely new. The nervous feelings, the butterflies, and the hours of endless smiling just lets me know how real it is........like i said before, i am the luckiest guy on the face of the earth

Well needless to say i was rather emotional even for me in my last post....... i wish someone would comment on what i write once in a while, so i dont feel completely foolish spilling myself to digital nothingness. My opera, the Dialogues of the Carmelites is gonna be this weekend, Jan 28 and 29 @ 8pm, and Jan 30 @ 3pm......kinda lookin forward to it even though the opera sux, cause i may get the chance to see someone i havent seen in about 14 months......and i know if i say who it is, ill fuckin jinx it cause thats how it is with me, i think somethin is there, its solid and true, and then POOF! muthafucka is gone....

my parents are gone for the whole week, so probably tomorrow and wednesday night i will be having a party at my house, gonna try to get some beers, but if possible BYOB, and i do have a pretty full liquor cabinet but i dont wanna empty it, so anything anyone can contribute would be awesomeness. ya know still no luck in the search for a meaningful relationship.......just too many people have the wrong impression of me, and dont think that i can do anything more than think sexually. Whatever, im just being overly critical of myself and those around me...... i dont care, i care about finding someone that is actually gonna be right for me, who i can enjoy myself with, intelligent, sophisticated, lover of the arts, spontaneous, looks(hard to explain but there are many types that attract me), helps to be a little horny most of the time, maybe even athletic(definitely not a requirement), DRINKER, NOT A SMOKER(most important thing of all, gotta protect my voice), unconventional, enjoys being the center of attention, affectionate, honest!!!!, good kisser!, maybe a little exhibitionist, proud of self and talents, likes to be taken care of, yet independent as well, doesnt mind me being a little protective(i mean come on i am German AND Italian), and lastly, she would need to understand my past, embrace it, and not fear it, cause then my History will repeat itself.

Im gonna have a very busy semester this year.......i really need to focus, and im thinking about shutting down all my IM, cellphone, online things altogether, and stopping all my credit cards so i can spend unless ive got money in hand, i may not work, but im gonna try working and school, and friends, and rehearsals, and performances, and everything else, maybe i can find the balance i had in HS.

I like my ability to sift through a lot of people's bullshit that they try to feed me, their "nice" actions and their "fake" smiles, only to gather in dark and silent corners and defile me.......i dont seek retribution, i would simply rather to have it said to me, cause i know, and if i didnt, i would be able to find out in a heartbeat.





you know who you are

There are times in your life when you know that too much has happened to not say something about, where the things you miss take over your heart, the people you love need you more than ever, and the things you do only fill you up so far with satisfaction, when you realize that while things couldnt be better in almost everything, something is still missing.......and you cant drink or smoke it away, you cant laugh at it anymore and expect it not to hurt, and the "that was then, this is now" speech, which your friends never believed, even becomes farsical to yourself. How do you move on from something that your entire body craved for so long, when even after all this time of being without, you still find yourself addicted? How do you say no to something you never had the chance to say yes to, even though the question hasnt been asked? How do you miss someone who has already more than moved on from you, who has shared herself with another, yet when you speak to her, you can still "see" and "hear" her blushing on the other end of the line? How is it that your charm works so well on one person, and yet everyone else sees you as cocky and arrogant? What if all the changes youve made over the past 2 years have done nothing than put you further behind than you started off? Not that too many people ever really read this.....i just dont update it enough, but there is a messge to one person i need to make.......Christine, i love you, ive never stopped, only tried to fool myself and you into thinking that i had........ i need to give you these words......"Moon so bright, night so fine, Keep your heart here with mine, Life`s a dream we are dreaming, Race the moon, catch the wind, Ride the night to the end, Seize the day, stand up for the light, I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do, Heroes rise, heroes fall, Rise again, win it all, In your heart, can`t you feel the glory? Through our joy, through our pain, We can move worlds again, Take my hand, dance the dance with me, I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do, I will want nothing else to see me through, If I can spend my lifetime loving you, Though we know we will never come again, Where there is love, life begins, Over and over again, Save the night, save the day, Save the love, come what may, Love is worth everything we pay" If you remember this, if you remember anything or everything we shared.......please call me, dont ask me why but ive just become afraid. When you are sad, i am sad, when you are happy, I am smiling, and when your heart calls mine, i will answer.






It dark, lonely, and cold in this heart without you to warm it...............mein Schatze, mein lied, mein liebe, mein leben.

its hard to be doing everything you want to do, and still find time to develop a relationship with anyone, including friends........and nothing becomes very easy to manuevre. I find it especially difficult to convince someone you are worth their time when theings just arent going your way during the week and the most they see of you is when you are either angry or frustrated. And things have gone that way many times this semester....much to my disappointment, one person who i thought i was close to betrayed me, another stabbed me in the back and accused me of doing some pretty wild and down right disgusting things......But do i hang my head down low? do i bow to their pressures, their accusations? Do i become less of a man and let them lead my life? OF COURSE NOT! My head stays held high, i am better than to stoop to their level, to try to come back at them and bring myself in the mire they have created. I refuse to let them tear down this life i have built, if anyone will ruin what i have it will be me or God himself, and i dont honestly see him coming down here again anytime soon. That being said.....my Opera concert was soooooo awesome this past weekend, i loved it and everyone loved me, which rocks cause it feeds my ego........of course that happens to be the one thing i get egotistical about, and with all the hard work ive put in i think i deserve to be dammit! Ive got the solo in this Saturday's Chorale concert which i am really excited about cause it gives me another opportunity to show off my talents to the community and to gain the everso important recognition and familiarity that will help my career thrive......Moving on to the things that tend to rotate this crazy life i lead, friendships, relationships, and sports. Well the things besides music that is. First sports.....im on a Flag Football team with the guys at work, ands it fuckin awesome, our jersey's are cool as hell and our team is really good, i think we have a decent chance at winning some money and getting our names in the papers.(again all about gettin my name out there) Secondly, Friendships.......this is a big shout out to the boys......Tyler, Schlapp Schlong, and JC Laws.......you guys keep my sane and prevent me from fuckin ripping idiots heads off........great times weve had, better times yet to come.....to my brother Paul, friends by accident, brothers by choice, never had a better friend in my life, i owe a lot to you dude and i cant wait til we are all fuckin done with school so we can take over this fuckin planet. To the girls.....Christine, Lauren, and Rachel.......our time may have passed but there is always a spot for you in my heart, you need me, you call me, and ill be there. To old friends from UDel.....i know i havent talked to most of you much if at all, but trust me you guys are on my mind all the time and i miss you very much, wish the party was still goin on. and finally to the guys who have been there from very early on......Meigel, Stanczak, Abrams, Johnson, Zero........nothing i am today has come without the help of you guys, i thank you. Lastly relationships.......ok ive been single now for.......exactly 17 months.......which is the longest since i started dating that its been......and ive been trying to change that, but sometimes too hard, and other times not hard enough........but ive had some successes in creating friends, and some failures(or successes, depends how you look at it), in adding to my list of enemies, or people who hate me.....but there is someone else who ive "met", cause well i actually havent met her, but ive talked to her for the past week, and she seems really cool, a lot like me, down to earth, sarcastic, funny, ITALIAN, loud, direct, and from the pictures ive seen, she is also beautiful.......which is always a plus. i am hoping to get the chance to actually see her and spend some time with her in person this weekend, if i my car comes back from the shop. And i want to go to the Hoobastank concert with her next week so maybe i can finally get something goin in the right direction again and hopefully this time i wont screw it up right away. So if you pray, pray for me cause ill need all the help from above i can get.


As for this moment right here and now............i need to be alone again for the next few hours so ill probably play some Halo 2 and try to remember how it felt to care for someone more than anyone else in the world..........L'amour c'est vie

ok lots of interesting and exciting news to report on. First, on this coming friday Oct. 29th im having a Halloween Costume Party at my house. Next, on Nov. 14th I have my Opera Scences concert, and guess who is coming up to see it? None other than the Texas Blossom herself, Rachel the Flight Attendant. Then on Nov. 20th i have the Hofstra Chorale Concert. if you want any details on any of these events, call my cell 516-319-0249. In other news, work is goin well for the most part, but as at the MacGrill, the management is really really startin to get to me. i was in a car accident, and it wasnt my fault the guy rearended my beautiful car, but not to fear it will be fixed and payed for by the dumb smucks insurance company, being that his dumb lame ass was following me waaaaay to closely and a fuckin cabby cut me off. My voice is really starting to open up sooooo much more and my true sound is shocking, and im gonna have my tonsils removed very very soon so my sound will be that much bigger and resonant, and will make girls melt even more ;). Speaking about girls, weird things are starting to take place.......ive found the ability to fall in love again(fuckin took me long enough) and ive talked to Lauren and Christine in the past 2 weeks, for a long time with each. I might get the chance to see Christine again if she can come up for my show, if not i may go down in Dec. And on the ability to fall for someone again, i have, and she is also a singer, a Soprano this time.....lol.....sorry its a music joke, and up until recently she was out of reach, well until i told her how i felt......usually girls run away or laugh or somethin weird like that when i tell them. I dont wanna say anything else about her, except that to me she's awesome, and i like everything about her, and ive seen her on bad days and good so i have a pretty good idea of what she's like. I'm eager and anxious to see how things pan out in the next too weeks cause thats when the majority of things will happen. Ill say this about her too, thinking about her, has a very calming affect on me, something that hasnt happened since i met Rachel, and something that hasnt occured repeatedly since Christine. And going back to Christine, i wish you the best of luck with your surgery babe, youll be in my prayers every day!!!! and you have to promise me that as soon as you are better we will sing together ok? Other than that school is the same, but ive been sick and missed most of my classes last week, so i gotta do 2 reports by the end of the night lol what fun.

first off, a big whats up to my pal Rachel.....keep up the great work babe!......next a big i love you and keep ur chin up to Melissa, remember im always here for you and im not gonna disappear like everyone else has in the past. Youve made an impact in my life, and you belong here with all of us and if you ever are taken from us i dont know what id do, so keep feeling good about urself and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on just call me. Next, um well, schools been goin well, doing good with my tests and my classes and Opera is really going well, im excited about this years performance cause all the songs im doing are gonna be really really really good. Starting to miss the things about UD that i do miss less and less, except for my Rugby and my friends, the close ones anyway. Dont really miss Christine anymore, she barely even becomes a thought anymore and she doesnt talk to me anymore for some reason so out of sight out of mind type deal. oh well so much for her always being there......... just one more person who's broken that promise to me. But who needs to dwell on the past when there is so much ahead of me......and i love it that way

Another one of those sleepless nights in my life.....I had a lot of them at UD, but so far this is the only one since coming back home that has anything to do with school or work. And it actually has nothing to do with me coming home late from a party, a wild exotic week of drinking, or even skipping classes and sleeping instead. It has nothing to do with ex's, past hook-ups or even current ones. It has to do with the fact that im tired of being alone. For more than a year now, ive been the most single man on the eastern seaboard. Everywhere i look there are happy couples surrounding every part of my world, from inside the classroom, to walking to school, to serving them at work, to seeing them at the bars or clubs at night. Im happy for them, cause they has something i dont. Someone to love and someone who loves them. So many times ive talked about girls i would like to date and as soon as i do, things fall apart. Most of these past 15 months alone have not been easy at all. Ive had many cold lonely nights in my room, wondering as i drifted off to sleep......"will tomorrow be the day i meet someone who will take a chance on me?" And that is part of the reason i wake up every morning. Because i dont want to miss out on the enormous opportunities i could face every waking moment. I want to be important in someone's life again. I want to feel needed and appreciated for the things i do for someone, not to get something in return, but because i want to do it for them because i love them. I dont want to look at the blue days and see gray clouds. And when i stand i dont want to be tired right away and say "awww fuck it" I wanna stand up and say "lets make this day perfection" I WANT TO BE LOVED. I want someone to genuinely smile when they see me, walk up to me, hold me in their arms, look into my eyes, and utter three simple yet fulfilling words......."I love you". I dont want to be the nice guy that finishes last again and again. I want to be the nice guy that rose up against the odds, defied the stereotype and shout "I WON", without every having to scream it. Because that look will be written all over my face when i am walking with a beautiful woman holding my hand by my side. I want to give a girl flowers at random times, surprise her by making her dinner and sharing a bottle of wine, while listening to romantic classical music or opera. I want to take a walk on the beach at sunset, stay there all night and while lying on a blanket in the dunes, watch the first light come up off the ocean. I want to suddenly show up at her class, whisking her away from the monotony of school to have a picnic in the park or to go for a ride and share an intimate moment alone in my room. I want to feel the warmth of someones hand holding mine, the sweetness of someones lips as they are kissing me, and i want to hear those three simple words over and over and over again. I feel as if i have one or two chances left to get something started before the school year becomes too deep and acquaitances become friends and line becomes to thick to break and too tall to cross. The time is now, the change is here, THE ME I AM HAS ARRIVED

I feel so wasted......i feel a lot like a drunk man who keeps drinking and even when he stops everything continues spinning and churning.  Its been a little crazy around here......I went to OZZFEST on the 14th, and it was the most fun ive had at a concert alone ever........i went nuts, moshing, fighting, throwing people on stage, crowdsurfing, drinking, talkin to other Heavy Metal fans......meeting some of my favorite bands, it was an all-around great time.  That was a Wednesday and then i had work for the rest of the weekend, which was really good cause i made a lot of money that i needed, and on Sunday, MJ, Brian and I went to the Mets game against Philly.......the Mets crushed and demoralized the Phillies, completely pounding them 6-1.  So many memories from just the one game i cant put them all down here.  We all had an awesome time and just had fun with each other.  Mets fans bonding.....its a sight to behold.  Monday was really cool cause we had the Friday's softball games...i played in 2 of them and had some excellent defensive plays, and i had one clutch sacrifice fly, every other ball i hit was hard, but all were easy outs

Its been a while since ive put something on here, then again, its been a while since ive had some quality time and inspiration to write anything. I miss Rachel, i really do, and even though im trying my best not to attach myself, the harder i fight the more i seem to lose the battle. Not that i could be a bad thing, but id hate to ruin something so beautiful, so perfect, so understandable. But as much as i dont wanna attach myself to her, i would like to finally get back into a relationship with someone. So this is for all the single women out there, if you are looking for a sensitive, sensible, understanding, caring, gentleman, im ur guy. If you are looking for an intelligent, well-spoken, classy, charismatic young man, im your guy. If you are looking for an athletic, powerful, protective, muscular man, im your guy. If you are looking for an artsy, worldly, creative, musically talented romantic, im your guy. If you are looking for an asshole who will neglect you and treat you like shit, embarrass you all the time and cheat on you......im NOT your guy. The only thing that i ask, is that you be honest, be able to hold a conversation, have some interest in either sports or the arts, and funny......i have the widest sense of humor, ill laugh at almost anything, even myself, if you have a beautiful smile, dont hide it, show it, especially when you are laughing. Girls and women always look their best and their sexiest when they are smiling.


So, im sure some of those who actually read this, besides me, are probably wondering whats been goin on since May 12th. Well turns out i passed my classes, somehow with flying colors. I got a job as a waiter at TGIFridays, and i love it, absolutely look forward to going to work almost everyday. The customers are great, the mangers are great, my co-workers are awesome, and the girls, the girls, are all fabulous. I got a new car.....a 2004 VW Beetle Convertible, Galactic Blue, with Black Leather interior, and a black canvas top. I love this car. It fits me like a glove, its hip, its cool, it stands out, its cute ;). Its got a whole lot of features on it too. Everything from heated seats, to Side-Airbags, to CD player, to booming sound system, and even a Tiptronic Transmisson.(those who dont know what that is, look it up). Starting Monday, im takin Intro to Sociology and US History 1 at NCC for the summer, to catch up on the yr and a half i lost out on at UD. Everything i did at UD other than school work, was a learning experience. I did not learn one thing i didnt already know while at UD in the classroom that is. But somewhere between the Rugby games, the sleepless nights, the parties, the problems, the Fraternity events, the love, the loss, the drunk nights and the semi-sober days, the dining hall, the road trips, the friends made and lost, the one night stands, and the 9 months.......i learned who i am, who i was, who i want to be. I learned how much i could drink, how much i could eat, how much i could love, and how much i could lose on any given day. I learned what i wanted, what i needed, and what i could accomplish if i wanted it bad enough. I learned that no matter what people say, or what "bonds" you share that would tie you together, people lie, people cheat, and people will betray you, if they can, and especially if it will help them out. In some cases, people will even try to steal what is closest and dearest to your heart right out from inside you, by defaming you, if in the end, they look like Midas. I learned out not to trust. I learned to be more cynical, racial, ethnic, than i ever was before. But i also learned how to accept, take responsibility, and live with my consequences brought on by my actions. I became mature, not quite yet a man, but far, a very far cry from the boy i was when i left home.

To set the record straight, my last post is exactly what it says, confessions. Inspired by a few friends, and oddly enough Usher's new album, i decided i needed to let go of a few things. Im not depressed, angry, upset or self-destructing again. I got over and defeated all that last semester.

Alright here it is. My Confession........i hate school......i never want to go to another class ever again in my life, if i had a choice, i would spend every weekday and weekend in NYC at auditions, trying to make my career. But i have to do well in school in case that doesnt work. Im setting myself up for failure, not a good plan. I sometimes wish i wasnt so talented, that things didnt come so easy, so id already have good habits and have to work for my success, but everything is ridiculously easy. Too easy, too light, not enough of a challenge. I can do everything im doin now, 3x over and still be able to take on somethin else. I seriously wanna be back in HS where the results and consequences were immediate, instead of delayed. Confession 2........Im a horrible person, afraid of commitment. Im a serious heartbreaker, lacking the emotions to feel anything when i hurt someone, and at times i dont really know ive done it. Ive met girls that have fallen for me, too quickly for my liking(which is hard to imagine being that im the hopeless romantic), and ive just brushed them off and broken them down as if they were nothing to anyone. They just didnt matter to me, much like i didnt matter to most girls when i was younger. I lack the ability to trust those who dont grow to love me, who instead love me from one day or one week. Confession 3.......im in love with a girl i really shouldnt be. She lives too far away, is too rich, too high class, too above my stature for me to even think ive got a chance with. Yet, everytime i talk to her, i feel like im right there, sittin next to her, seein her in front of me. I shouldnt be feeling these feelings that i am for her, yet because i know that she's probably gonna be coming up to see me this next week, i do. I honestly begin to feel that if i could i would go down to see her or have her come up to visit me every damn week........I would go to school in Houston, just to see her more often. Not something i should be thinking, especially after only spending one night with her, but i guess cause ive been talking to her constantly after that night, i can. Confession 4.......i dont sleep, much.......at least no where near as much as i should, my mind constantly runs and moves. I have no concept of time, no remorse for losing time, even though i know that every second i waste is another second closer to my death, another second ill never get back........hold up.......bad subject to bring up with me. Confession 5......most of you know me to not be afraid of almost anything........well thats true, except death. Everytime the subject comes up, i cry, bawl, and just plain breakdown cause i cant handle the thought of not doing the things i am now, no longer being able to live. OK REALLY GOTTA STOP NOW BEFORE I LOSE CONTROL.......sorry, its just harder than anything i can deal with. Confession 5.........i no longer care. about you, about myself, about my life........if its meant to be it will, and i will do whatever i need to in order to get myself to succeed. So as a warning, dont stand in my fuckin way. Or uz about to get run the fuck over.

Thats it, thats all that will fuckin matter from now on, and now you know, at least you think you do






i could have somethin else up my sleeve.

Ever get the feeling that no matter what you do, its impossible to get sleep the night before a big event? Im supposed to be sleeping now so that tomorrow night i can go to the city and compete for a chance to get a recording contract and fullfil my dream of stardom and fame. Im wide awake, nervous, excited, anxious, scared, happy, doubtful, optimistic, unsure, confident, all at the same time. Whats worse, is ive got more on my mind than just this performance. Ive got more than one woman that i continuously think about, more than one event coming up that im not ready for, and more than one area of my life that is startin to bug me. Yea everything is good and perfect right now, but i see trends forming and life getting harder real fast. I doubt this will even get me to relax and take my time, which i dont really have cause of all the work i need to catch up on. ive really been goin backwards in some areas.

Some things never seem to change.....like love. I know here i go again about love and all that stupid sentimental romantic shit, but not actually. Just keep reading. When there is no one there, when you called everyone and asked everyone to help you out and absolutely no one answers back, what do you do? You call the one person you forgot about all those years ago. Now this is gonna be very uncharacteristic of me, but, sometimes God or whoever it is, listens. Sometimes he listens real close and real hard. Youve often seen me talk about something missing from my life, and its always been love, well this time its still love but love for someone thats not there, me. I think for the first time, honestly the first time ever......i love me! I love who i am, what i do, where i go, who i hang out with, i love my life at this moment. I actually love the fact the im not with Christine, yet she and i are talking like old friends again. I love the fact that the girl im truly attracted to, is almost 3,000 miles away, yet i want nothing more than to just see her, even if for an hour. I love the fact the the crew i hang out with is exactly like me, wild, crazy and fun. Nuckin Futz, thats us. We are loud, we are obnoxious, we have no morals, and we dont give a fuck. Lucky, im not. Fortunate, very, very fortunate to have what i have, to do what i do, and to love it. To sing and give people joy, to sing and give joy to myself, is probably the most incredible feeling in the world i at 19 can experience right now. random song quote here "Cause your all i want, your all i need, your everything, Everything" ~~Lifehouse, "Everything" its just the song im listening to right now, and the one that seems to fit my mood and my life. Nothing is ever going to be perfect anymore, not like HS where i could do no wrong no matter how hard i tried. Everyday now will have its failures and successes, and i and those around me will need to learn how to deal with my shortcomings. I will never give up on myself again. I will never say im not good enough for someone, or im not good enough to do something, cause i know if i really want it, ill fuckin get it, ive proved it before and i sure as hell can prove it again wont be hard.